I've Been Holding Out!

4-19-08

I wrote this post a couple of months ago. I'm just adding this paragraph as evidence in my murder case. There are several people who may want to kill me after this post. My sister in law is now paying rent so I regret writing the things I wrote below.......but they are true....so how do I really feel? The X-mas dinner really sucked but I love my wife. BTW my next post may be about our family being stalked by my 16 year old daughters ex-boyfriend. I'm not clear on if at 16 you're actually a stalker or stalker in training.



Seriously, if something happens to me I have pointed the authorities in the direction of a couple of strong possibilities. My wife also is addicted to CSI, Law and Order and all of those Dateline type shows where the wife kills the husband with a little antifreeze in his Mt.Dew for 6 years and gets away with it. I'm scared people. Again I'm sorry for this post. Tell my kids I love them.





1-18-08
I want to apologize because I have been holding out and I can't take it much longer. A lot of good bloggable shit has jumped off in my life over the Christmas Holidays. Some of it I have been sworn to secrecy on and some of it I dare not mention so I don't cause unneeded drama in my life.

So read quickly because I may be forced to take down this post at gunpoint.

First, my sister in law is whack. She has temporarily moved into my house while she finds work. She just moved to Chicago so she is staying with us for what is supposed to be a couple of months until she gets on her feet. Am I kidding myself? These kinds of arrangements always end badly. How can you get on your feet when you won't ever leave the house. She wants my wife to run errands for her! She even had my wife take her to her interviews.....All 2 of them!

Anyway she has some disorder that prevents her from going out and looking for a fucking job or going to the grocery store but apparently the same disorder will allow her to go out drinking until 3 in the morning. Hopefully I will contract the condition shortly.

She smokes on the back porch with nothing but a robe on and a hat. One night, the family of my son's friend gave him a ride home and the sis-in-law was down the driveway smoking (we have a long driveway that leads to the back of the house). BTW this is a very stuffy, conservative African American family. My sister in law see the headlights in the driveway and assumes that it is me or my wife and decides to moon us!!!!!! Yes, show her bare ass!!!!! Problem is, it's not us, it is a conservative husband, conservative wife, their three sons and one horrified 11 year old kid who is related to the bare ass that lay before them with headlights bouncing off it!!!!

The mother asks, "Um, is that your mom?" While the boys are snickering.

The kid responds, "No its my Aunt" as he silently got out of the car and walked in the house.

She did call and apologize but a unexpected bare ass in head lights can't just be erased. My son got to school early the next day to make the payoff to the other kid for not repeating the story to the whole school. The details of the settlement have never been made public.

My wife and my sister in law fixed X-mas dinner. Greens-great, sweet potatoes - outstanding, mac and cheese - delicious but the turkey and ham.............Let me put it this way, I could have soaked the whole ham and the whole turkey in the tub for a week and that would have improved them to just being dry! Oh I can't forget the dressing, the dressing was wet and dry at the same time. How is that possible you ask. Think about the consistency of cement that is starting to dry out but still wet.

I almost cried over my x-mas dinner. It's been a long time since I said "I want my mama" but this damn near broke me. It actually got better over the next few days. I don't know if I lowered my expectations or if the tub treatment was really helping. I couldn't do the dressing. Although, it did work well in the driveway.

There is so much more but I gotta sleep.

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black