First Time So Be Gentle With Me
Well, I had a thought yesterday, "Why don't you start a blog?"
Then I had another thought, "What is a blog?"
I managed to figure out enough to get to this point so I can't be totally retarded. Does anyone even read these things? I didn't read one until yesterday. How do you get people to read your blog anyway?
Oh well, if no one is reading then I guess this will be an online journal that will be subpoenaed at my upcoming trial. I have yet to do anything wrong, be arrested or charged but I am a Black man so why not be prepared:) My humor is dry at times so does that mean I need to put that stupid ass smiley face at the end of my jokes or should I assume that you get it. Oh yea, I forgot it doesn't matter because no one is reading this. Anyway the smiley face feels really feminine to me for some reason. Maybe I should rename this blog "Random Stupid Shit." Maybe I should be more confident in my rugged masculinity.
Anyway, the title to this blog sounds so intelligent. Yet in just a few lines I have lowered any expectations you may have had of me. At some point I will get to Poetry, Politics, Religion, Sports and Race. But for now there is something more important for me to discuss.....My new found allergy.
I have always had sensitive skin (again I am ruggedly masculine) and finally decided to go to a allergy Doctor to find out exactly what I am allergic to. What is the one thing that I am allergic to? TOMATOES!?!?!?!?!!? When the doctor first told me I thought, 'No big deal I just won't eat tomatoes.' Now that I have had a few days to think about this, and realize how important tomatoes are in my life, I am very upset.
No tomato on my burger? OK, I can live with that. No tomato in my salad? OK, I can live with that. No red or marinera (or whatever it's called) sauce on my spaghetti or anything Italian? Now I am getting a little upset. No Ketchup?! Are you frickin' KIDDING ME?! Not only is ketchup the #1 condiment (no not condom, that would be saran wrap) IT IS THE #1 FOOD FIXER IN THE WORLD. So now whenever I go to a friend or relative's house and the food is shitty I can't tell my normal lie, "Oh yes, auntie I always put ketchup on my greens and banana pudding! Ummm this is good you wanna try it." Ketchup fixes all! Think about those couple of hot dogs at every cookout that get burnt so bad that the only reason you know that they are hot dogs is 'cause you took 6 off the grill and you know you put 8 on. So those two sticks laying on the grill you thought somebody used to stir the coals are really two hot dogs. What's the only way you can get little cousin Henessey to eat them.....Cover them in ketchup before he sees they are burnt as hell. Little Henessey then turns to his momma, Tequila and tells her how good your skills are on the grill. From then on Little Henessey's daddy, Remy would go on and on about how little Hen' loves your food.
Sorry, I got a little off track. The point is, I can't have ketchup, tomato sauce or anything having to do with tomatoes. They got to have a shot for this.
I'm OUT
44Black
Then I had another thought, "What is a blog?"
I managed to figure out enough to get to this point so I can't be totally retarded. Does anyone even read these things? I didn't read one until yesterday. How do you get people to read your blog anyway?
Oh well, if no one is reading then I guess this will be an online journal that will be subpoenaed at my upcoming trial. I have yet to do anything wrong, be arrested or charged but I am a Black man so why not be prepared:) My humor is dry at times so does that mean I need to put that stupid ass smiley face at the end of my jokes or should I assume that you get it. Oh yea, I forgot it doesn't matter because no one is reading this. Anyway the smiley face feels really feminine to me for some reason. Maybe I should rename this blog "Random Stupid Shit." Maybe I should be more confident in my rugged masculinity.
Anyway, the title to this blog sounds so intelligent. Yet in just a few lines I have lowered any expectations you may have had of me. At some point I will get to Poetry, Politics, Religion, Sports and Race. But for now there is something more important for me to discuss.....My new found allergy.
I have always had sensitive skin (again I am ruggedly masculine) and finally decided to go to a allergy Doctor to find out exactly what I am allergic to. What is the one thing that I am allergic to? TOMATOES!?!?!?!?!!? When the doctor first told me I thought, 'No big deal I just won't eat tomatoes.' Now that I have had a few days to think about this, and realize how important tomatoes are in my life, I am very upset.
No tomato on my burger? OK, I can live with that. No tomato in my salad? OK, I can live with that. No red or marinera (or whatever it's called) sauce on my spaghetti or anything Italian? Now I am getting a little upset. No Ketchup?! Are you frickin' KIDDING ME?! Not only is ketchup the #1 condiment (no not condom, that would be saran wrap) IT IS THE #1 FOOD FIXER IN THE WORLD. So now whenever I go to a friend or relative's house and the food is shitty I can't tell my normal lie, "Oh yes, auntie I always put ketchup on my greens and banana pudding! Ummm this is good you wanna try it." Ketchup fixes all! Think about those couple of hot dogs at every cookout that get burnt so bad that the only reason you know that they are hot dogs is 'cause you took 6 off the grill and you know you put 8 on. So those two sticks laying on the grill you thought somebody used to stir the coals are really two hot dogs. What's the only way you can get little cousin Henessey to eat them.....Cover them in ketchup before he sees they are burnt as hell. Little Henessey then turns to his momma, Tequila and tells her how good your skills are on the grill. From then on Little Henessey's daddy, Remy would go on and on about how little Hen' loves your food.
Sorry, I got a little off track. The point is, I can't have ketchup, tomato sauce or anything having to do with tomatoes. They got to have a shot for this.
I'm OUT
44Black
posted by 44Black at 11:27 PM
2 Comments:
Maybe you can invest in some allergy shots, or just live life dangerously? Good luck with that chief and welcome to the wonderful world of blogging.
I really don't know how you will live with out ketchup.
Good job for your first time.
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